He’s Stuck Like Glue

Today was a hard day, as far as all things baby goes. Which means it was a hard day.

This parenting thing? It’s hard.

Everything is a tad more difficult with a baby velcroed to you. Hip, back, front, forward- facing, in my arms or in a carrier… It’s all challenging, because it’s all on me. But that’s where my youngest was happy— the only place he was happy today. If I even shifted like I was going to set him down, out came the lip and flushing cheeks.

And it’s the sweetest thing. It’s the thing that melts my exasperation/frustration/”I’m so touched out” attitude. In that moment, with that face, all I feel is my love for him and my need to give him comfort.

He’s four months old and teething something fierce. I am the only thing that soothes his pain, and all he needs is for me to hold him and give him a smile or two. What an incredible power I yield!

The novelty of that, of having this ability to essentially cure what ails him, is what gets me through a hard day. It keeps me going through my despair that my dish water went cold and I’m not even close to beginning laundry or anything else on my to- do list. I was going to write today… Productivity, ya know?

Instead, I’m laying down between a comfort nursing baby and a toddler who’s eating my stash of Reese’s Pieces Eggs (which I stole from his sister’s goody box and didn’t hide well enough). I’ll tell you a secret, though: I love it.

Does the state of my house and length of my to- do list kill me? Yes. Do I feel like all things children will eventually be my gateway to insanity? Absolutely. But I love it.

I saw a meme asking which pill would you take: the blue one that will allow you to go back in time and with what you now know and start over; or the red one that fasts forwards you to 45 years old with $50 million. I’d choose neither. Crazy right? I’d choose neither, because one changed decision could prevent me from meeting my husband and children and fast-forwarding means I would miss these days with my growing babies. Money means nothing when I’ve missed all the best parts of life.

Does the state of my house and length of my to- do list kill me? Yes. Do I feel like all things children will eventually be my gateway to insanity? Absolutely. But I love it.

This parenting thing? It’s hard. So is dealing with a teething, cranky baby while making sure my three year old gets a decent dinner. But I get the sweetest “I love you’s” and cuddles. I get the most beautiful smiles. I get to be the most powerful drug to ease their pain. And that’s worth everything.

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This hiking backpack has every other carrier beat when it comes to making an angry baby a happy baby.

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My son asked for loves, so I stopped what I was doing and cuddled up with him. Sometimes, especially lately, I get too caught up in the chaos and problems of life. I’m so busy trying to find solutions and keep everything managed that I forget that being Mom is sometimes just stopping and just being with your babies. Though sometimes I’m desperate to get a moment to myself, I’m also desperate to soak this all in and commit it forever to memory. I never want to disappoint my child when he asks for “mommy loves”.

Dready Steady Dreadlocks

Yes, I am a person who is currently aspiring to have some awesome locks.

I can’t exactly say what the “why” is, other than I really needed to break free from myself… If that makes any sense. I needed to DO something and my hair is the first thing I think to change when I feel the need to express myself. I didn’t realize when I started them that I needed a journey, but I do. So far, I can say that I feel more comfortable with myself while having this wild mess than I ever have in my whole life of being me. It’s the hair I never knew I needed.

Anywho. This is my journey for mebut I thought it’d be neat to invite others along for the ride by documenting the craziness and progression from baby dreads to my, someday, mature dreadlocks. It’s under DIY, because I did and maintain my dreadlocks myself… along with some valuable contributions from my husband.

I began the sectioning and backcombing in the back, and hubby took over from there. Since we’re parents and have to adult, it took a few days to get all of my hair sectioned and backcombed.

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2 days after finishing the backcombing 

After researching a bunch about products and wax, I landed on using Rasta Jamaican Mango and Lime locking gel. I used it for about a week, but discontinued because I decided to go in a more natural direction with my hair. Some will rant against it, but in my short time of using it, it did just fine. It kept my dreads neat and presentable, and the scent of the gel is delicious. Since I didn’t use it for very long, I can’t vouch for long-term use.

Once I decided to wash the gel out, I did a deep cleanse using a baking soda and apple cider vinegar rinse. I wanted to make sure my hair came out really clean to continue the locking process.

*This cleanse is to be used sparingly if at all, as it can seriously damage hair.*

After the rinse, my hair had a lot of little loops- yay!

The shampoo I am currently using is from Bucks County Soap Factory. It has been working pretty well for me, and my little dreadlocks are moving along fabulously. I also have their locking gel for special occasions (aka, the rare date- night) when I really want to tame all the loops and frizz.

Homemade sea salt spray, or a locking accelerator, and palm- rolling have been my best friends on a normal “need to look somewhat presentable” day. Otherwise, I try to ignore how crazy they look/feel and just embrace the chaos.

Since I’ve cut regular use of gel and continue my washing regime of every other day as per usual, I’ve seen a lot of dreadlings change into almost mature dreadlocks already.

Dreadlocks will do some seriously interesting things before they mature into their majestic ropes. Some of mine dreaded at the root first, while others completely fell out and began at the bottom. Some fell out and split themselves into smaller sections, creating new babies that are now dreading. The twists and loops give each one their own personality. And some sections I couldn’t stand leaving loose (I meddle), so I dreaded them using the rip and twist method. My hair is now a blend of every locking stage and three methods of dreading.

Here’s a small gallery of my journey so far:

 

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2 weeks

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3 weeks

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1 month (Happy Valentine’s Day!)

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Crazy loop at around 5 weeks

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2 months

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11 weeks and really going wild

Stay tuned for updates. I’ll be adding photos of my experience, as well as things I’ve done and learned.

 

Anxiety

A nobody in a world full of somebodies
I am a disease.
My bleeding heart takes me into the abyss
I can no longer climb out.

A crescent moon taunts me with possibilities
I cannot follow.
Only the loneliness is my solace
It is my true companion.

Heaven awaits
Hell is where I’ll end up.
Despite my pure intentions
I am evil.

My body stops my consciousness
I open bloodshot eyes.
A zombie exists where love once did
I am a drone.

Where There Did She

Where, oh, where there did she
Take it all in and swallowed the sea
For the air could not hold her
And the ground was too firm
Fire too hot, she would easily burn

So there to the edge of the world she flew
Along the way suckling upon dew
A robin winked and a porcupine bristled
Still she flew light as feather, as soft as a whistle

Past castles and fields, closer to thee
Where there she could swallow the sea

For a meadow’s too low and the pixies bid her go
A fire rock rumbled and frightened her away
The cliffs did beg her jump but she couldn’t stay
Once to thrice one thing did summon
And come forth to follow what’s not undone

Where, oh where there sat she
To take a big drink and swallow the sea